A Series of Unfortunate Drabbles
by Pigfarts23
Summary: yea so every chapter will be from a different character's POV. all one-shots, none relating to each other (i hope not) rated M for adult content
1. Friday Nights

**A/N: annnnnnnd i'm back - with another new story.**

**Dont hate! procrastinate!**

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**A/N: DONT OWN CAUSE I'M NOT COOL ENOUGH**

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Ch. 1 ~Rudolphous Lestrange.

Of course she wasn't home, eager to greet me like a loving wife. But then again, Bellatrix wasn't exactly the best person to expect a loving embrace from.

She was psychotic; if anything, a _crucio_ would be the closest thing to a form of affection she'd give. But I presume her ruthlessness and her strange desire to torture people was what made the Dark Lord so fond of her. I suppose the fact that I was tired after a long day and wanted a loving wife was too hard to ask for out of an arranged marriage.

I closed the door behind me, shaking the water droplets out of my hair. Guess who'd be alone in this massive manor again on a Friday night? Yup - me.

Lucius would be too busy either sucking up to the Dark Lord or avoiding his family; Snape would be at Hogwarts, spying for the Dark Lord. Yaxley would be doing whatever the fuck Yaxley did on a Friday night, and none of the other Death Eaters were worth associating with. I sighed to myself as I let myself

into the practice room.

Bella and I had it set up to practice amazing dark curses on mummies, and train Infrei to do the wishes of not one master but many. I realised, as I practiced on a mummy, that I was jealous of the Dark Lord. A strange thought, I can hear you saying, to be jealous of a bald man with no nose, no soul and the hatred of a whole race. But I was jealous of him. I believe it was because he spent so much time with my wife.

In the morning before a raid, Bella would look excited. And I can bet you any amount of Galleons you

want that she did not look that excited when going to bed with me. All women had a thing for men with power - and for a while, working under the Dark Lord, he was powerful.

I hurled a modified Tickling Hex at a mummy, and watched in satisfaction as the mummy fell over, clutching it's sides as stuffing fell out.

My life possible couldn't get any worse - my wife was off in hopes that she'd be the one to bear Voldemort's child, while I hadn't had sex with her in 10 years. How I survived? Two words: the mango tree.

Wait that's three words... Well you get what I'm saying - it wasn't fair that she got all the fun while I remained only a secondary Death Eater.

Frustrated, I threw my cloak on, and slammed the door shut, heading to a bar I knew of in Knocturn Alley.

I arrived there, dry as a bone, despite the horrible weather outside and strolled to the barkeeper.

"I'll take a glass of your strongest Firewhiskey," I ordered my voice defeated and lonely.

"5 Galleons and 8 sickles," he demanded, adding "You said the strongest," upon my shocked look.

"Here," I muttered shoving the coins at him, and going over to the corner where I saw a pretty red-head.

"I'm John," I said, giving myself a fake name in case she recognised me from any of the WANTED posters floating around the Alley.

Luckily, I had remembered to put my gloss on. The gloss allowed me to change my hair and face to be unrecognisable.

"Sandy," she said, in a flirty way.

I was sick and tired of playing games. I played mind games with the Dark Lord every day.

"You wanna go upstairs?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, shrugging her shoulders, and heading up.

Now I know what Yaxley does on a Friday night.. I should have hung out with him more. He was a genius, I say, a genius.

He was mad, but brilliant.

All the best people usually are.

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**A/N **

***insert usual speech here***

**yea i'm too lazy today**

**Peace, Love and Laziness,**

**Pigfarts23**

**Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Student number 23**


	2. Lord Voldemort's Revenge Plan

**A/N: ALRIGHT WHO MISSED ME?**

**I DIDNT MISS ME!**

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Ch. 2 ~ Lord Voldemort

Lord Voldemort was not pleased. With Lucius and Bellatrix and Snape, one would think he'd be very pleased about anything. But nooooooo. They had to go screw up his plans. So, he'd get his revenge on them.

He threw the door open simultaneously with a clap of thunder, masking his entrance into the room where his Death Eaters were waiting. This gave him a moment to observe them going about their day, making evil plans.

"AHA AHAHAH I WIIIN! I AM PRESIDENT! AGAIN! AHAHA!"

Or not...

"Ahem." Voldemort, master of Darkness (yes so dark it has to be capitalised) said, clearing his throat.

"AHHH!" squealed Lucius like a girl who had just seen a mouse.

"HEY I DONT SCREAM WHEN I SEE MICE! THEY SCREAM WHEN THEY SEE ME!" Bellatrix yelled at the random author in the corner.

"I-i-it's tr-true." Wormtail whimpered.

"CRUICO!" The Dark Lord roared, causing Wormtail to drop to the ground, screaming in pain.

"My lord, I hate to interrupt your joy, but why do you waste your energy crucioing this pathetic excuse for a human being?" Snape asked.

"WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CRUCIO YOU INSTEAD?!" Voldemort roared at him.

There was a silence only broken by Lestrange muttering something about mad wives and crazy Masters.

"I thought not," He-Who-Must-Think-Of-Better-Nicknames-Because-ALL-THESE-DASHES-ARE-KILLING-ME.

"Now, where was I?" he asked as he took the cruico off of Wormtail. "Ah. Yessssss. Revenge sweet revenge," he muttered to himself. The Death Eaters looked on at him in silence. "We will be having... A NEW YEAR's EVE BALL. AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE FAMILY-" everyone looked at Lucius here "YOU WILL BE HERE OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!"

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Alas, it was time for the ball. No, not the Yule Ball, you pathetic excuse for a reader! HAVENT YOU BEEN LISTENING TO ANYTHING THE DARK LORD HAS BEEN SAYING!?

Voldemort wasn't exactly sure how this was a revenge plan, but hey, he was the Dark Lord! He had other things on his mind. Like? I hear you say. Uh... Un... You know... Dark Lord-y stuffs...

Anyways. Back to the party.

Lucius pranced - that's right. He pranced - in, Narcissa in tow.

"Alright!" Old VOLDY said, "COSTUME PARTY!"

What is it really so wrong for a Dark Lord to like costume parties!?

All the Death Eaters looked at him.

"WELL GO GET A COSTUME."

No one moved.

It was an intense staring contest; Lord Voldemort versus the Death Eaters.

Yaxley broke the slience.

"I HAVE COOKIES!"

The whole room exploded into cheers.

DAMN! Lord Moldywart - I mean Lord Voldemort the Most Amazing Dark Character

Ever Created - thought. So much for my plan of revenge!

**A/N; I'm pretty sure I was tired when I wrote this.**

**Okay**

**Well.**

**Peace, love and fuzzy socks,**

**Pigfarts23**

**Pigfarts Intergalactic School of Witchraft and Wizardry **


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